"Look at your MRI, and it shows that at the lower end of your spine, there's a pod-like object that is spreading, and it's actually a very large neurofiber sheath tumor. Pen, fun, pavilion www. biquge。 info”

Adam was listening, and although he was momentarily distracted, on the whole, he was indeed listening intently—at least trying to concentrate, but the medical vocabulary was so unfriendly that he was now full of question marks and confused.

"Good...... Realizing that the doctor's words were over, Adam reflexively replied, nodding his head, but his eyes were blank, showing the opposite meaning, and even the end of the words rose slightly, showing his confusion and uncertainty.

He was a little speechless for a while, his pupils were shaking unsteadily, his brain couldn't respond effectively, he groaned, put on a polite smile, and asked tentatively, "Sorry, did you just speak English?"

The doctor, who seemed to be accustomed to this, interrupted Adam's words and said bluntly, "It's a malignant tumor." ”

"Tumor?" Adam's question mark had fallen on his eyes, and the corners of his mouth rose slightly invisibly, and an inexplicable sense of absurdity surged between his eyebrows.

"Yes. The doctor avoided Adam's gaze.

"Me?" Adam's eyebrows were raised, as if he had heard a joke, and a smile was already streaming from his eyes.

"Yes. The doctor was still avoiding his gaze, keeping his head facing Adam, but his eyes had drifted elsewhere, and he hadn't looked at Adam since he had entered the room.

"Poof. Adam finally couldn't hold back any longer, laughed, shrugged his shoulders, and rolled his eyes incredulously, "But it doesn't make sense at all." Adam's eyes widened, his hands outstretched, and he looked like he was reasoning, and the smile and ridicule in his eyes were very conspicuous, "I mean, I don't smoke or drink...... I'm a recycled type. After saying that, Adam also rolled his eyes, as if complaining about himself.

Recycle, in fact, is environmental awareness, the earliest meaning of the reuse of domestic waste. But now it has gradually developed into an attitude to life. It refers to adhering to a green and healthy lifestyle.

But recycling is also considered to be a label for the white middle class to flaunt their value orientation, and it has become the object of many people's complaints, which is also what Adam means by rolling his eyes.

The doctor didn't understand Adam's humor, he raised his eyes and glanced at Adam quickly, but then he drooped down again, hiding his true emotions in his heart, "In fact, your situation is quite special, because your cause is very rare, the gene mutation on chromosome 17, the mutated P53 gene causes the cell to become cancerous......"

But this simple action, which fell in Adam's eyes, further widened the distance between the two people, cold, unfamiliar, indifferent, desperate, and the white in all directions began to surge, pulling away all colors.

The smile on the corners of Adam's mouth and eyes stiffened little by little, and the soul seemed to be leaving the body, leaving only a shell, and the doctor's words began to lose structure, leaving only a vague mass of syllables, constantly pounding on the eardrums, as if they were echoes in the valley, constantly circling around, but unable to hear the specific words.

What genes, what chromosomes, what mutations, and what cancers?

These words seem so familiar, yet so unfamiliar, so close, yet so distant. He tried to listen intently, to be more focused, and he tried to understand every word the doctor was saying, but he gradually lost his grasp of the syllables. He didn't understand a word of those words, he only understood the doctor's tone-

Calm and steady, which means cold and alienated, there is no room for maneuver, professional and objective, widening the distance between doctors and patients. He didn't even dare to look himself in the eye.

Patient, so, he's sick.

But what does that mean? What was the symptom that the doctor was talking about? Why couldn't he remember anything, why did his brain go blank? His mind was completely mired?

What's going on here? Can anyone answer for him?

He tried to see the doctor's eyes, to find a hint of emotion in those eyes, but he failed. The evasive gaze left only an indifferent side face, as if God was on high, calmly and objectively stating the facts, but this fact brutally and ferociously crushed his life.

It was at this moment that his life was decided: a verdict that he could not resist and could not change.

The dark brown eyes began to become hollow, like a black hole of quicksand, you can vaguely see that the quicksand is sinking, but you can't see the limit, just continue to sink, endlessly circulating, the black hole that was originally just the size of an embroidery needle began to slowly expand, devouring the color of the entire pupil.

Gradually, slowly, the soul hidden in the depths of the pupil dissipated like a wisp of green smoke.

The unwavering blankness could not find any focus and focal length, and fell to the ground empty, like the Arctic Circle in the cold winter, with only boundless white, and the vast and magnificent white swallowed up the whole world, and there was no reference to be found, and the horizon could not be seen, everything disappeared into the pure and transparent white.

Nothingness, emptiness. But the corners of his mouth are still stiff with the arc of that smile, but he can no longer feel the warmth of any smile, which makes people shudder.

White, he hated white, endless white, white everywhere he could see, cold and neat, but he couldn't see any change, as if he were living.

Lying in a hospital bed/on every day, waiting for the doctor's routine rounds, then check-ups, and finally listening to a diagnosis that doesn't change anything, it's like a white world with no end and no boundaries in sight, no matter how he runs, no matter how he changes direction, no matter how he changes speed, the scenery around him doesn't change anything. The first and last days, it seems, are the same.

Boring, boring, and the same, he was stuck in place, unable to find an exit, and unable to stop.

The memories of the previous life were like a flood bursting the embankment, catharsis down, and suddenly swallowed him, the kind of grievance, anger and despair imprisoned in a small space swept in again, and before even had time to breathe, reason was instantly burned away.

He struggled, tried to fight desperately, but to no avail, his body could not hear the slightest call, and then he began to scream, angrily screaming: Liar! The doctor in front of him is a liar!

His life ended in this moment, with no future in sight, no tomorrow in sight.

He's going to be stuck in this hospital bed / Ten years, a full ten years, a long ten years, a decade with no end in sight. He even wondered if it would be better to die on the spot? He was like a walking corpse, imprisoned in this white world, and even deprived of the right to struggle and resist.

But the doctor didn't dare to look him in the eye.

He hissed, but could not hear anything, his soul was screaming wildly, but his body was stiff, and he could not make a sound at all—he could see the colors of the world, he could see the doctor's chatter, he could even see his hands and feet, but his soul drifted away in the darkness of chaos, and gradually lost all control of his body.

I used all my strength, but there was still no movement.

The smell wafting in the air, mixed with the stimulation of hydrogen peroxide and the drying of the drug, filled the chest, churning and disgusting. Is he Chu Jiashu or Adam? The line between reality and illusion suddenly blurred, and a sharp and deep pain came from his heart, as if a pendant had penetrated into the depths of a soft heart.

Tumor. Cancer.

Suddenly, these two words, which were not unfamiliar, jumped into his mind in a very unreasonable way, rampage, which made him a little irritated and a little flustered. For no reason. He didn't understand, what did these two words have to do with him?

He only came to check on the poor sleep quality because of low back pain, didn't he? So why is he here? Why is he having this conversation with the doctor? Why does he feel an irrepressible agitation and anger, why is there an emotion in his chest that wants to vent?

Adam tried to bring himself back to his senses, he raised his hands, wanted to do something, but did not know what to do, paused in the air without a track, and then fell down again, grasped the back of the chair, and suddenly as if grasping a life-saving straw, his muscles tensed, all the strength gathered towards his hands, and the whole person stood up.

But soon, the whole person sat down again, and the strength that had just gathered in an instant dissipated again in a blink of an eye, and the whole person sat helplessly in the chair as if his backbone had been sucked away, and his eyes moved around in panic, and his pupils vibrated aimlessly, making people feel the shock and trembling of their hearts clearly, like autumn leaves shivering in the cold storm.

The panic dragged his body into the darkness little by little, he was struggling, he was shouting, he was crying for help, but no one could hear it, everything in his vision turned into a blurry halo of light, and even the outline could not be captured. Gulping in large gulps, the lungs could not feel the slightest oxygen, and the rising warmth began to burn, and in the panic and confusion, there was no focus.

He lifted his eyes, frantically snapped, and then the silhouette of the figure in his line of sight became clear again, and the doctor's voice became clear again.

He doesn't understand, he still doesn't understand, he seems to understand, but he doesn't seem to understand anything. The ringing in his ears kept echoing, but it was the only focus in his sight, and the only person he turned to.

Involuntarily, the body leaned forward slightly, full of longing, the desire to survive.