I fell asleep in a nightmare and woke up to find myself back in a mental hospital, a development that has not been surprising at all in my life. Although I call the environment in which I live "reality" and "nightmare" respectively, one "reality" is a "nightmare" relative to another "reality", and the environment that should be a relative "nightmare" becomes a living reality in some cases. At the end of the day, I couldn't tell what was reality, what was a nightmare, and what was my own illusion.

People like Dr. Nguyen Le always define "reality" as the only and real environment they are in or not, and in a normal sense, the word "reality" is like that. I do not deny Dr. Nguyen Li's understanding of "reality", but I feel that understanding like that, with a concept that represents "truth", "supreme" and "one", is a beautiful thing and a necessity for a better survival of human beings. On the contrary, people like me, who always unconsciously treat the concepts of "reality" and "reality" and so on, must be sick and abnormal, especially when this ambiguity is not a problem of subjective cognition, but a kind of observation that is more inclined to objective, of course, it is even more abnormal.

Human beings have limits.

v☆Within this limit, no one can observe more than one reality, and me, who seems to have done it, is naturally contrary to my self-perception as a human being.

The conclusion is obvious: if I were human, then there must be a part of the hallucination, not the part of the hallucination, even if it was broken, that I had so many dizzying situations that I had encountered. It should also be possible to piece together the outline of a single reality, which may be flawed, but it is absolutely impossible for the same thing to take on multiple forms at the same time when the same thing is observed. Man can only see what he can see at the same time. Under the same observation method, if you see a certain person at a certain point in time, then this person should not show different behaviors and different personalities under other identities at the same time.

In this way, if I, as a human being, really observed the truth, then the color and Dorothy should be just one appearance, not human and non-human at the same time.

However. In the situations I have observed and experienced, not only are there many "Takakawa", but there is also no "uniqueness" in other people and things. Although they seem to be related to each other, it is this subtle connection that proves that they are conceptually "not unique".

What is real. What is false, what is a dream. What is an illusion, the only criterion, only one's own feelings remain, as well as "river" and "virus".

This is a ridiculous thing to do.

And now, I'm used to such absurdity. Not even surprised by the sudden emergence of a situation that is "more real than before". Not at all, but just this qiē. Treat it as a "fait accompli" and a "pre-existing zài".

I default to the existence of "river" and "virus", and I am not a "human being" in the full sense of the word. It sounds ridiculous to set yourself up like this, but it's ridiculous to think "because it's handsome." So it's different for people who want to try it" or "there is some kind of psychological shadow, so use this method to escape".

If I don't do that, I can't survive. These settings are no longer the identities I have imposed on me, but they are part of my personality today.

Sooner or later, the second disease will be cured, and the world they see will be as ordinary as everyone else. They can be ashamed of what they have done, or they can laugh it off and start a new life.

And I don't see this day.

Because, in the world I observe, when I dream of being a hero, someone dies, and countless others will die before my eyes, and until then, they will suffer - this is not the world I want to see, and when these things happen again and again in front of my eyes, I can't do it, and one day in the future, I will laugh at this qiē as a fantasy of my own shame.

In this world that ordinary people feel absurd, I fought against my companions who had some firm convictions, and the opponents were also a group of crazy but faithful enemies. Their words and deeds affect me all the time, and I influence them as well. How is it possible for me to laugh at the things that have happened, those deaths, those pains, those struggles, and those dreams, as just "middle and second diseases"?

Absolutely impossible.

Therefore, I can only say to myself that the current qiē, the one that is happening, may have another image in the eyes of others, but for me, it is my own reality.

It is very difficult to maintain such an individualized cognition in a universal and normal cognition. I am very aware that all along, the ideas of "normal" and "abnormal" are like a tug-of-war, pulling my perception of the world and others.

Everything I saw was so complicated, so complicated that I couldn't figure it out at all, but I had to go all the way through this incomprehension.

Whenever I encounter thorns, whenever I am stung by thorns, I can only swallow these pains myself, and remain silent to others. Because, this is the world that only I know.

Although, in this world that only I know, there are also other people's existences, and they will also intersect with the world in the eyes of others, but this does not mean understanding and approval. Instead, it is the differences that are most conspicuous.

Even if it is a temporary cooperation, it cannot represent that the two sides will not become enemies. Even if we both think that the other is important, there is no guarantee that both parties will walk the same path together. Even if there is a similarity in philosophy, it is not certain that they will step in the same direction.

Can't think the same thing as a loved one.

You can't see the same thing in the same way as someone you trust.

You can't accomplish the same goal with the same will as the person you value.

People who regard each other as important will always think about each other and follow the path that they affirm rather than what they affirm.

Isn't that a sad thing?

There is such a saying, if you are really in love with someone. It is necessary to think about it, to acknowledge what it has decided, and even to help it to achieve what it wants in the direction and on the path it has decided - but the problem is this. Do you really think that your decision is wrong and that your loved one is right? Are you willing to help someone you think is wrong just because of your loved one's will, and then suffer the bad consequences that you are sure will come?

Isn't it the expression of love that does not have one's own will, but is centered on the will of the other? The answer to this question. I don't know, because I've never met anyone like that. The people around me are all people who have a strong self-will, and they are trying to save something, to achieve something. It's not that they don't know how to be considerate and recognize others, it's just. From the very beginning, they never denied themselves. Don't doubt yourself. Even in this world, there is a saying that "there are many paths, and if you can't believe that you are right, you can deny the correctness of others", they will say, "I don't deny the correctness of others, I just insist on my own rightness." That's all.

Yes. Everyone has something right for everyone.

However, when these correctness cannot be combined, it is full of contradictions.

When you think what you think is right, even if no one else agrees with it, you will use your strongest will to implement it. It's what I see now.

This is true for me, the real researchers in the hospital, or the organizations in the Doomsday Vision, or even everyone within the organization. Cooperation and grouping are only because everyone's "rightness" has commonality, rather than being infected by each other's "correctness" and trying to complete the "correctness" proposed by others.

It is in this form that the emergence of Doomsday Shinrikyo, NOG, and the Black Nest is simply incredible, and I can only explain it in terms of the commonalities of personality, humanity, and human ideology.

The world I see is like this, even in the "hospital reality" that does not have much "mystery" for the time being, it is also a group of opinionated people who are playing.

I sometimes wonder if what happens to the world doesn't really matter to them. The most important thing for them is whether they can carry out and execute what they think is correct in the same environment. If this is correct and saves the world, then it is good, and if it destroys the world, then it is evil. However, in fact, before the result of "salvation" or "ruin" comes, whether what you think is right will achieve good or bad results is just a small embellishment, and it is not higher than the "what you think is right" itself.

I sometimes feel that I am such a person myself. And because I am such a person, I will exist in and observe such a world.

Of course, this is only a very occasional thought.

I always think a lot and record them in my diary, but these thoughts are never the main driving force for my actions. What I have to face, the things of the moment, have never been solved with these complex and obscure ideas.

My mood is always wavering, and I often hesitate about one thing. But I am very sure that after deciding the direction, I also have a strong execution ability, and I will not change the direction because of the wavering and hesitation of the moment.

I applied water to my face to calm down my suddenly chaotic thoughts. I don't think it's the unnatural monotony and whiteness of this ward that causes this emotional instability and confusion in thoughts. Because, even if I'm not here, I've often made such mistakes in the past, especially after recovery, when I become stricter, and even when I fight, I will suddenly detach from the content of the battle itself. If it weren't for the "relatively fast" characteristic of the quick sweep, maybe he would have been killed by the enemy in a certain battle because of the Shaking God.

Or is it because of the Swift Sweep Super that I have gained more margin than others, so I breed distractions in battle?

I can't tell. I know it's probably not a good thing, but I can't control myself.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I don't know if I was in a trance, for a while, I felt that my face was blurry, but it didn't look like what I knew I was, what I was in this world. But. I still don't have any doubts, this has happened many times in the past, although it seems that a little secret can be detected from this seemingly delusional phenomenon, but in fact. I never found the secret and the answer. It seems to be a "real mapping", but in reality, there is no evidence of this.

When I was in the hospital in reality, these "hallucinations", "illusions" and "immediacy of sight" once became a help for me to find the truth, but now it seems that I was still too naïve at that time. These hallucinations, illusions, and immediacy can indeed hint at many clues. But that doesn't mean that what you find by following these clues is true.

The mirror seems to be fogged over my thoughts, and it looks weird. I wiped it with the palm of my hand, only to see a handprint clearly imprinted on it, and then a trace of blood dripped from the top of the brand. The mirror was painted all at once. My face, obscured by the bloody handprints, looked even more strange in the mirror.

I took a deep breath. Ignored it and left the bathroom directly.

It was about five o'clock in the afternoon, and when I woke up from a nightmare, it was half an hour ago. The sound of rain outside the window became more and more vectorized, and I decided to leave the room for a walk, and it was unlikely that I would ever walk out of the building again. However, on the other hand, I would like to check the structure of this building and other residents. I picked up the seminar's special cell phone from my bedside table and walked out the door in my patient gown.

A long corridor stretches out in front of you. For a moment, it seemed to spread to the front that I couldn't see clearly, and the door began to bend, as if I had taken a wide-angle video with a spherical mirror. However, I blinked, and it was about twenty meters away, and the things on both sides were also square and square. I kind of feel that my visual hallucinations have become more frequent? I suspect that when I was in a nightmare, the hospital staff injected me with certain medications, and this was a side effect. Although Dr. Nguyen Le prevented me from taking new medicines, it simply meant that I would not take the new medicines that had been made in the past, and that the new medicines would be improved over time, and of course she would let me take the newer ones.

New drugs should be part of the research and trial production of "paradise". On its own, of course, it will also have a certain hallucinogenic effect. Nightmares are only one aspect, and I can imagine that the worse scenario would be the hallucinations produced by the reality of the hospital, enough to make the observed person manifest in an inhuman form, and thus awaken his own aggression.

However, in terms of personal feelings, except for the occasional anomaly that seems to be "delusions" and "hallucinations" in front of the scene, there is no strong hallucinogenic sensation and a fleeting sensation similar to psychedelics.

I felt that I was completely normal, but it was just a qiē in front of me, and suddenly my image changed, and in the next moment, I changed back to my original appearance, and the chain judgment did not observe the slightest abnormality.

The range of 50 meters of the chain judgment, the first time to wrap the whole building. The building I was in was only four floors, and my room, at the end of the corridor on the third floor, was fenced to the left hand and a room to the right hand, and the doors were all hidden, not all of them locked. In my mind's eye, a three-dimensional figure was quickly outlined.

Two-thirds of the rooms in this building are already occupied.

I knocked on my neighbor's door, and the person inside didn't intend to come out, and judging by the perception of the chain judgment, he was just standing quietly in the center of the room, doing nothing. He looked like he had been standing for a long time, and I had been in front of his door for five minutes, knocking on the door a dozen times and he had not moved. I know that no matter what a mentally ill person will do that seems weird and meaningless, there is no need to make a fuss. If I wanted to go in, I would probably have to break in, and the problem was that the door was quite sturdy, with a wooden surface, but by the sound of the sound, it seemed to be inlaid with steel plates, and other than that, it was like there were several large locks on purpose, and I didn't have any tools at the moment.

I don't know where my luggage was taken for a long time. When I'm awake, I can of course make sure I have the tools right, but the problem is that I don't always stay awake. Of course, there are no such things in the ward. If you want to attack and act, chain decisions and speed-skimming supers aren't enough. I need at least one dagger. If I can, I'll also need to find enough materials to recraft the boosts. The current situation seems to be a bit like the reality of the hospital, although it has the power of the magic pattern, but it has to face a more strange environment, and it is impossible to tell which side is easier.

I deliberately made some noise after that, but no one came out to see the excitement at all. The whole building is maintained in an empty and quiet atmosphere, which is becoming more and more eerie. Anyone in a room, no matter what the people inside were doing, didn't respond to me, and the structure of the door didn't say that a speed-type demonic messenger like me could forcibly open it empty-handed. Conversely, any room where there is no one either has the door closed or has no anti-lock, and can be opened directly from the outside by twisting the handle. I was expecting some materials or something, but alas, they were all empty rooms that had been abandoned for a long time, as if no one had taken care of them, there were almost no things to use, and when the dust was raised, it was enough to make it difficult to breathe, and there were cobwebs everywhere.

I thought that the psychiatric hospital would look at Dr. Nguyen Li's face and arrange me to a more refined patient area. Just as I was rummaging through the cabinets, my phone rang.

Instead of saving any number from your phone, the caller ID is replaced by a string of question marks.

I didn't hesitate and answered the suspicious call directly.

"Who?" I think my voice is a little stiff.

“…… Finally got in touch. "The voice over there paused, it seemed that the signal was extremely poor, not only the sound was intermittent, high and low, but also full of noise," Gao Chuan ...... Rustling...... I...... John the Bull. ”

"John Bull?" I confirmed.

"Yes...... Signal over there...... Interference...... The Torchlight Man Past...... Leave a mark...... "John Bull said a lot of things, but that's all I can hear. When I tried to ask for something more precise, the signal was cut off, and only a string of blind tones remained in the earpiece.

However, with those few important words alone, I can probably guess what John Bull was trying to say.

The most important thing is that the people of the torchlight have come.

The Torchlight is an important component of the NOG, and the NOG has a seat at the seminar, so it is not surprising that the Torchlight arrived at a time when the seminar was trying to create a "paradise". However, it is no one else, but the torchlight, coupled with John Bull's special notice, the meaning behind it is somewhat intriguing.

Because, the arrival of the torchlight means the expansion of the "deviation" - in short, before their arrival, if there is an accident, it is also a normal situation, but after the arrival of the torchlight, the accident that occurs again is no longer a normal situation. The "deviation" of the torchlight is mysterious, and it may bring about changes that everyone expects.

What are the reasons for NOG to allow the Torchlight to participate in the production of "Paradise"? They must know what the "paradise" that Dr. Nguyen Le and others want to look like, and what the "paradise" will become under the influence of Shinrikyo of the Doomsday. It is precisely because all parties need "paradise" that most of them have a positive attitude towards the completion of "paradise". The biggest contradiction lies in the effect of "paradise".

However, the "deviation" of the Torchlight is the type of friend and foe, and the reason for sending them here can be seen as that NOG has already decided that it is impossible for him to surpass the Doomsday Shinrikyo in terms of influence in the study of paradise, so he is trying to muddy the waters?

John Bull seems to want me to join the people of the Torchlight.

But I think it's better to keep an eye on it.

Although I couldn't hear everything John Bull said because of the signal problem, I have a rough idea of what the torchlight and the mark are specifically about, and if the torchlight leaves its own mark. Even if you can't describe it specifically, you can make sure that you can recognize it when you see it. (To be continued......)