I'm sorry to be a human being in this life

I had a disease, and this disease, in the eyes of most people, was a kind of madness, a mental illness.

I've pulled myself out of the brink of death countless times, and I want to live, live well.

I want to live to prove to the world that my heart is unwilling, and I want to say to the man who abandoned me that I would be better off without you. But I was crushed after all.

In the past, I was also a cheerful and laughing person, and I felt that as long as I smiled, there was nothing I couldn't do. But I was wrong. It's outrageously wrong, because life won't let me go. I ran up to the rooftop yesterday and looked at the sky for a long time, and I realized that I missed the two people who had saved my life in this world. But they shouldn't have done that, and their retention led me to this extreme path.

Because they didn't think that without their care and love, I wouldn't be able to survive.

I am a person who longs to be loved, and I have never received fatherly love because my real father is a gambler and a scumbag, and he has spent time in prison since I was born. He was in prison for as long as I can remember. My mother, in order to take care of him, forgot to sleep and eat, and even took out 90 percent of the money every month to send it to prison for him.

The three of us brothers and sisters have lived a life of not having enough to eat since we were children, but we have never been willing to accept help from others. Because my mother taught us since we were young that we must have backbone to be human. This is probably the only point for a person like me, I don't have anything, I just have backbone.

My biggest dream in life is to have a real home, the people who really love me and the people I love.

Once, I thought I had it, but love couldn't stand the test of reality, and the person I thought I loved the most abandoned me when I needed help the most. It was even worse when I wanted to die again and again.

Pushed me into a corner.

I left this article just to tell the world, if anyone sees it, please help me forward it to the Red Cross, I originally wanted to go to handle the body donation in person, but now I am afraid I can't go.

I hope you can help, this is my last wish, help me tell them that I want the rest of my life and never have anything to do with that man again. There is no longer a little bit of relationship.

I'm not dying for that, I'm not dying for anything, I'm just that the last string called spirit is broken.

Finally, I would like to thank the three most important friends in my life, one is Yueyue, she tried to pull me out of the swamp of despair, but unfortunately, I didn't pull it out, and I was still stuck in it. There is also a good friend of mine who grew up with me from high school, Zhu, who regarded me as a relative, and I finally lived up to her expectations and embarked on this road of no return. Finally, there is Wu Tao, whom I have never met, he helped me several times when I was in the most difficult time, a stranger, and he can still do this, but think about what the people around me have done...... I can't help but want to laugh.

A person's life is very long and tormenting. In my life, I have lived thoroughly and enough.

I am positive and want to seek a future for myself, but my future does not have me.

I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid of being tortured like this.

Such torture, endless, is really suffocating. In my life, the only concern is my two children, if I have any income in the future, please help me keep it for me, keep it for my children.

I used to think that if that man hadn't been so ruthless and took them away from me, I might still have a purpose in life. But in the end, I realized that that man proved to me all the time that I didn't need to be a mother for my children.

Thank you, thank you for making me understand that my existence was superfluous from the beginning.

My tears have dried up, and my heart doesn't hurt anymore.

I just wanted to live in peace, but the reality was ...... No peace.

I'm sorry everyone, I'm sorry for the people I love and those who love me, my departure may make you feel pain for a while. But this pain will be healed by time.

The most wrong and undesirable thing in this life is to live in a world where everyone around me doesn't know me.

Life is short, and I'm sorry for the pain that this life has brought you......

(End of chapter)