Ah Yan looked happy after the psychotherapy, while I was even more expressionless, like a robot.

Except for eating and going outside, I listened to my parents' instructions, and I did whatever they told me to do.

But we always have a stalemate when we eat, and they get angry if I don't eat.

If you eat it, you can always make people sick when you look down at the food.

Then they called a doctor, and he was very gentle.

I was standing on the edge of the bed crying, my mother was sitting outside the hospital room, and my father was lying on the hospital bed.

Later, I didn't eat......

Every time I get emotional, I can't control myself, I bang my head against the wall, bite myself, and always find a way to make myself hurt, as if I can be more sober.

Every time I get sick, it's always very uncomfortable, and if someone next to me is watching, I shrink into a ball, a small ball, as if I can become smaller as long as I shrink.

Every time I get sick, I feel very tired, as if my whole body has no strength, and I can sleep for a short time without taking medicine.

Or the doctor who was called in gave a tranquilizer, and after a shot, it was like mud.

Afterward......

Later, I also forgot about later, I only remember that Ah Yan was discharged from the hospital, and on a very, big day under the rain, she was discharged from the hospital.

Then I was unhappy all day, and I only needed a stick of sugar or a bottle of AD calcium, but it didn't work at this time.

It was raining heavily that day, and they couldn't let me go out, so I huddled in a corner in the ward for a day, except for treatment and medicine, I would be very well-behaved, and I barely moved, and I didn't say a word.

It wasn't until the evening that I broke out, and the fuse was a phone call from my mom.

That phone call completely crushed the psychological defense line that I repaired and repaired since I was a child.

The secret that I once swore to hide in my heart for the rest of my life was also shaken out.

When I was in elementary school, bad luck has been landing on me, the teacher didn't like it and the bullying of classmates, at that time, I was young, I didn't know they were bullying me, no one told me it was called bullying, when I was a child, I thought I was very popular, the whole class would play with me, I wouldn't tell if it hurts, my parents have been working, only my grandparents have three children.

Wretched! When I was in the third grade, my sister had just started kindergarten, and when she saw me being bullied and scolded as a pig, she would pick up a brick and run after the person who scolded me.

The teacher gave him a nickname, so much so that the whole class shouted along.

The village primary school, in the cold winter, there is a stove, the fiery red carbon block is placed on my stool, the stool is broken, I have to pay, the pants are also hot, the reaction is fast, if you want to be sluggish a little longer, there may be a charcoal barbecue human flesh.

When I was in elementary school, my clothes were never in good condition, and every time I wore a piece of clothing to school, I would always wear out a piece of clothing, so that I was always scolded by my mother.

Chalk ash or something, I should eat it, the teacher never cares, because I can't do it in my academic performance, they will believe in children who study well, I have never been a child who is not trusted.

At that time, I thought these things were the norm, and I never told my family.

In the worst case, a group of boys knocked me down and pressed me under a stool, and a group of them sat on that stool, trampled on me, and spat on my face, hands, and hair, and spat on me everywhere, and there was abuse everywhere, and no one called me a teacher.

In the end, a girl couldn't stand it and found my grandparents.

My grandfather cried when he saw me, and I remember my grandfather never cried, not once.

Thinking about it, I only felt nauseous at that time, but I didn't feel pain, maybe I got used to it......

In the end, in the end, grandma found a teacher and only criticized those people, they are fine, looking back, how unfair it is, maybe only I know.

And some of the bullying I suffered in those days has been forgotten, and some of it will never be forgotten.

My mom and dad, they work, they only know that I don't study well, very bad, very bad, they never think about why I don't study well, why I resisted going to school in the first place.

They never knew that after they said it, my mom would talk about the past.

It's sad, it's sad......

Later, my father went to make a bed outside the ward and went to sleep, and I didn't vomit or feel unhappy about some things.

I was a little incoherent and I hated to remember it, but I really wanted to say it that night.

"Mom, do you know why I stuck myself in the house for a week last year (New Year's 2020) without saying a word?"

Until that time my mom thought it was my fault.

At that time, the city was closed, and my cousin was also trapped in our house.

I haven't really fallen asleep since he came into my house, and I pretend to be every night, and I'm scared when I hear any noise.

He slept in the same room with my brother at night, and my sister and I slept in the same room. (The two rooms are connected in the middle.) ）

It turned out that I was right to be scared, for at least ten days, basically every night I would feel someone staring at me, or sitting on the edge of the bed or standing on the edge of the bed, that disgusting gaze.

What's more, you have to pretend to be normal every day so that your parents don't see that you haven't slept and are disgusted with someone.

I thought about sleeping somewhere else, but my sister was still there when I left.

I can only worry about it every day.

He showed his true face the day before he left, and I felt that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I could only pretend to wake up and pick up the phone next to me.

I thought he would leave soon, but who knew he would be even more unscrupulous, and I would continue to be awake if he didn't leave.

I'm afraid of scolding at night, so I can only avoid it everywhere, and I can only throw my own quilt when he lifts the quilt and cover it into my sister's quilt.

Maybe at four or five o'clock he grabbed my leg, and I panicked, so I had to kick him again, screaming and running away.

I don't know if it's me who is too quiet or if they slept too dead.

No one in the whole room woke up, and even the closest sister only moved. Then I ran away and ran into my mother's house.

Later, my sister also came......

Later, when my father was not at home, I told my mother that it was her mother's family who protected her. Mom said that my so-called brother was sleepwalking and told me not to tell Dad. After that, I locked myself for a week.

Dead, I was afraid of scaring them at home, so I locked myself up for a week, and my aunt persuaded me to go out. Dad was going to conjure me again, so I had to force myself to return to normal,