Chapter 411: Confusion (3)

Depression Spring: Confusion (Varu Alan)

(3) Heartbreak and loneliness

I've been writing a diary on QQ Space for half a year, and listening to the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard, I'm not sure if I've really become happy.

Lock the diary, but still can't lock love and sorrow.

Some sweet and painful memories of the past beat like raindrops on the road, reminding me of the past.

I hope that I will also be obedient in my future journeys, and I will not look left and right, and I will not take the road of waste.

Every time I flip through a previous blog, I feel like I've traveled through time and immediately aged several years.

It's a long process, and it's as bizarre and metaphorical as the protagonist of the story.

I can only force myself to be natural and informal, and to accept life's adventures again and again.

On the night of my 40th birthday, I made a wish on the occasion, but suddenly I felt lonely because I felt that the wish was my own and did not border the world of others.

According to my true nature, I try to do things as well as I can, but because of loneliness, I often mess things up and make myself very humble.

Fortunately, not everyone found out about this.

At that time, when the light dissipates with the afterglow of the setting sun, let all the qiē become a passing cloud.

When I recorded this day sincerely, I found myself pale, like a white petal that blew and fell to the ground and was trampled to pieces.

I don't know why he wrote so miserably to drive away others only to win his sympathy, but in fact, it was not sympathy, because he knew it was not true.

"Don't you feel scared and sad when you write like that?" they asked.

Yes, some people just sink into it, become crazy, and can't write anything anymore, and don't even know that what they originally wrote has been stolen by someone else.

I don't think it's really crazy, it's just that it's safer there. No one chased after it anymore.

Maybe like Haizi, if he dies cleanly, no one will dare to compete with ghosts for fame and fortune.

In fact, when a person dies, he dies and he must forget all the pain and suffering of his previous life.

Even if you take all the memories with you, you can't get rid of the loneliness from beginning to end.

I'm still writing, which means I'm still alive and I'm still lonely.

Born in the winter moon is destined to be self-made, and the opportunity to change my fate was used by me to the fullest, but unfortunately people are not as good as heaven, and finally it is difficult to escape the trick of fate. Every spring after marriage is depressed, only to realize how ridiculous and wasteful it is to moan without illness in the spring every year before marriage.

They test me to say that I have the ability to perceive other people's past lives, but in fact, I can't see my past lives, but I can only speculate about the future. I'm worried about it, and I'm sad about the future I can see but can't do.

They say that happiness is the most important thing, and whoever makes you happy will be with him. Whoever makes you unhappy will leave him. There are no conditions, and the conditions of creation zào will also leave him.

I also know that a man who only does things according to his own principles can only bring heartbreak and loneliness to women. But I don't have the mentality and ability to create zào conditions, I have never pushed away or rejected others, I live my life on my own terms, and those who can't stand it will naturally leave, and I don't need to rush.

Maybe this spring, maybe next, he will leave me depressed and give me back my freedom.