Chapter 468: Amnesia: Traumatic Psychosis (2)

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When I was discharged from the hospital for the first time, the psychiatric hospital where my classmate's relative was the director prescribed a lot of medicine and asked me to take it on time. If you say that you will get sick if you don't eat, you will not only not sleep at night and do laundry, but you may also do crazy things, such as running around naked in broad daylight.

My parents wanted me to swear to take my medicine.

I found out that I had to sleep unconscious for 12 hours just by taking one pill. However, I was given a therapeutic dosage of 12 tablets per day and a maintenance dosage of 6 tablets per day.

I didn't take those medicines, and then I had to go to Beijing and prescribe some of the same medicines with me. I showed it to Lao Liang, and he calculated that if I wanted to commit suicide, it would be enough to die twenty times.

My husband said: Your family let you carry so much medicine, don't you want you to return to the West as soon as possible, don't get sick and run around naked, so that they will be embarrassed?

On the National Day in 2006, my godmother (a colleague from the first unit I worked for) brought her newlywed son and daughter-in-law to Beijing to visit me.

My husband said, "Look, your brothers and sisters won't come to Beijing for marriage or travel, are they?" I'm afraid that one day you will become sick and become a big burden! You will follow me honestly in your life, and don't think about anything wrong!

I always felt like my soul was drifting under the cliff where the horse had fallen, and I just had to go down and walk around. But everybody said that my thoughts were psychotic. So, I haven't been to that place again for 20 years.

I later told a male classmate who was in contact with me about my psychotic symptoms, and he said that if you know your husband and children, it is not psychosis. I remember the novels he wrote in his notebook, and I can remember the handwriting page by page. I said I don't remember the past, and that's to avoid trouble.

I remember when Lao Liang first came to see me in the editorial office of the publishing house, he said: "Did you girls think that Amat in the Xinjiang class was the most handsome?" I said: It should be Kurexi, right?

"You like Kureshi too?" said Lao Liang, "isn't he the boyfriend of your good friend Idanhan?"

I didn't know that Kureshi was Yidanhan's boyfriend, and besides, when I said just now, when Li Ligeng came to this office, he said that Li Ligeng was Yidanhan's boyfriend. I said can you change people, don't always say it's Yidanhan.

Lao Liang cursed and swore and said: It's true that Yidanhan was good with Kurexi in high school, and it's also true that he was good with Li Ligeng in college!

"Do you know who liked you in high school?" said Lao Liang smiled ambiguously. I hurriedly said: I know, it's Tong Lu, he just wrote to me. I took out my diary from the drawer and showed him the beginning and end of the letter that was sandwiched between it, signed and dated.

It was a letter from Tong Lu from the Xinjiang Archives Bureau, and the date happened to be right, but it was actually two years ago. The reason why I brought my diary from two years ago was because I wanted to show my partner a short story written on it on the plane. I didn't expect it to come in handy for other purposes.

Lao Liang said: Your ability to pretend to be crazy and stupid is really good, if I learn from you, I don't have to change my name and surname.