Remnant of autumn. Winter is approaching.

The golden light of the morning sun shone on my dilapidated cottage, the yellowed window paper became brighter, and a few dogs barked and chickens crowed in the distance.

There was some old thatch in the yard, which was left over from the repair of the house - in summer and autumn, when there was a lot of rain, the house would leak constantly.

In the small shed in the corner hung some hoes, sickles, and other farm tools, and they were sharpened brightly—the neighbors said that I was a diligent and honest man. But my life was still poor,—— I was always unable to pay the exorbitant taxes and miscellaneous taxes, and in the end there was not much left of the year's harvest, and it was a problem to make ends meet.

In addition to a plate of clay kang in the house, there was only a copper washbasin and a half-worn bronze mirror—that was Lin'er's escort when she married me, and when we were kicked out, her second mother only allowed us to take these two things. They were now on a worn-out red lacquered box, containing all the clothes of our family from spring to winter, as well as bits and pieces of cloth of various colors, which would one day be sewn into the holes in the clothes as patches.

"Wow~Wow~"

"The child is crying again! You still don't want to change his diaper!" Lin'er's former voice of Yan Yuying now sounds, but it is no different from the shrew who scolds the street, but I don't blame her, it's not her fault, it's the environment that has changed people.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and got up, my movements slowed down a little, and I was kicked to the ground by Lin'er with a 'bang'.

It was cold on the ground, so I hurriedly touched it, put on my pants, and silently picked up a diaper to change for my son.

"Can't you hurry up? crying so much that I'm so upset!" Lin'er urged, covering her head with the quilt, as if the child who was crying heartbreakingly was not her own flesh and blood.

I didn't say anything, but all these years of life had taught me to knock out my teeth and swallow blood in my stomach.

Lin'er's father Zhang Jiuchang is a famous swordsman in Kanto, when I was an orphan begging around for a living, he took me in, gave me food, taught me kung fu, he said, I have good bones, I will definitely become a well-known figure in the martial arts in the future, just like that, he married his daughter Lin'er to me.

I am a person who knows how to repay the kindness, I study kung fu hard, learn hard, but now, I can't even beat Lin'er, I find that my heart, not because I like martial arts and practice it, in fact, just for gratitude, I force myself to practice, to work hard, but there is no use, I don't want to be a hero, let alone a swordsman, I like the quiet pastoral life, like to sow seeds on the ground in the spring, watching the tender green buds gradually grow, grow strongly, I love wielding my hoe in the scorching sun and watching my sweat drip to the ground, walking through the green cornfields and taking a nap in the fiery pepper garden......

When my father-in-law saw that I was really unsuccessful, he regretted that he couldn't know people and married his daughter to the wrong one, and as a result, he died in a rage, and the family business was passed on to the son of his second wife, and Lin'er and I were kicked out. I don't know how to run a business, although I work hard to farm, but the days are still getting poorer and poorer, Lin'er, who was full of expectations for me, also died, and gradually became indifferent to everything, and scolded me, since I had a child, I thought she would be better for me, but I didn't expect her to be even more bored, and I often beat me in the head and face, and I also knew that I was not good, and she was tired of living this hard life with me. From the way she looked at the child, I couldn't see any maternal love and warmth, sometimes I really couldn't stand it, I wanted to fight with her, and then I thought that if I really fought, I couldn't beat her, so I endured it.

"It's all predestined, predestined. I muttered to myself, after changing the diaper, I picked up the child, shook it, and gently patted Lin'er on the shoulder: "Lin'er, the child is still crying, probably hungry, you feed him." ”

"Hey, hey, what to feed!, don't eat well, don't drink well, where will I get the milk to feed the child!?Hold him out!Don't make any noise with me!"

Lin'er didn't look back, my tears welled up all of a sudden, the days of the newlywed Yan'er and the love of children are long gone, sometimes I feel that I am not angry, but who can blame this?

I silently picked up the child, put on my shoes, and walked to the outhouse, where the cold autumn wind sizzled in like a snake through the cracks between the doors and windows. The child did not understand anything and still cried to himself. I picked up some firewood and lit the fire, added some water to the pot, opened the rice box, it was empty, the millet and sorghum were all eaten, and there was a little cornmeal scattered under the rice box, I carefully put it away, poured it into the pot, and with little effort, boiled it into a small half pot of thin noodle soup, I sat by the stove, scooped some with a spoon, blew it, and fed it to the child.

The cornmeal was very thick, and some of the soil at the bottom of the rice box was sandwiched, and some of it was black, and the child ate it bite by bite, choking and coughing twice, and my tears fell in big drops. Suddenly, the spoon in my hand was knocked away with a 'snap', and I looked up and saw that it was Lin'er.

"You useless man, are you going to feed the child with this thing?" Lin'er snatched the child away and kicked me to the ground: "Are you still a man? Kung Fu and kung fu can't be learned, and you can't do well in buying and selling, and you talk about some stinky theories about gentlemen and being poor all day long, and what do you say that the bloody rain on the rivers and lakes is not as good as returning to the mountains and forests? Is that what people say? Those who are impatient only say that! Who has the ability not to eat fragrant and drink spicy food on the rivers and lakes? In life, even if you don't live a vigorous life, you must live a life with taste! Look at you!

"Get out of here!" she said as she walked into the back room, picked up her clothes, and nursed the child.

I walked out silently, closed the door, and the north wind blew, and I couldn't help but shudder, and I hugged my shoulders tremblingly, and squatted on the threshold, and looked up at the broken earthen walls and dirty courtyards, and I couldn't help but cry bitterly.

Lin'er in the house still scolded herself: "It's all my father who is blind, and he said that you will be able to dominate the martial arts in the future and become a great character, how about now? I think that if I had married them, even if I had been a concubine, it would have been better to be poor with you!"

The more I listened, the more I felt ashamed, the more I listened, the more sad I became, the more I listened, the more angry I became, and I thought: "I'm just an honest person, although I'm a little bit of a bag, but I'm obedient to you, and it's also very good, I did my best, but I still don't practice well, and there's no way to do it. Good words are warm in three winters, and bad words are hurtful and cold in June, and the quarrel between husband and wife is nothing, and I can bear it, but why do you say such harsh words to ridicule people? When you married me, you were also full of joy, thinking that it was just a hope that what your father said that I could get ahead could come true!" As he was thinking, he suddenly caught a glimpse of a packet of arsenic in the corner of the wall, which was used by poisonous rats in the past. Listening to the chatter and scolding in the room, my eyebrows straightened, and a sinful thought suddenly crossed my mind!

"I can't bear it anymore, I have the right to control my own life, I have the right to live the life I want to live, the past grace has become today's resentment, why should I put up with her anymore......" I squatted there and hesitated, my brain kept churning: "But, we still have children, can I really bear to ......" Recalling the affection between husband and wife in the past, my body trembled. "We will never be able to return to our old affection, Lin'er and I...... Gone are those good times......"

"What should I do? What should I do? Rather than endure the painful torture like this, how about ...... Yes, as long as you put your mind down, everything will be quiet!" I opened the paper bag with trembling hands. The white powder in the paper bag made me throb.

This kind of thing is not a martial arts conspiracy, you don't have to plan too carefully, but you have to think about the steps to carry it out, I think, well, I have to pretend that nothing happened, and unexpectedly click on Lin'er's acupoint before making a move, so that she is conscious, but there is nothing she can do, yes, this is indeed cruel to her!

By the way, you have to do a good job of dealing with the aftermath first, so as not to be in a hurry when you get it. So I steadied myself, folded the paper bag, and put it in my arms. went straight to the county seat.

Today is not the day of the big gathering, there are not many street vendors in the county, I pondered in my heart: If you want to buy a coffin, you must not have enough money, and a thin-skinned poplar coffin will cost three taels of silver.

I walked around, looking for a vendor selling straw mats, and there was one at the corner of the drum tower, with an old mat spread on the ground, and the vendors sat on it, and many of them were rolled up and stood on one side, with bamboo mats, straw mats, and reeds for building houses. I pointed to one of them and asked, "How much does this mat cost?"

"Ten texts. ”

I shook my head hesitantly, and the peddler hurriedly said, "Ten cents, it's already very cheap." I shook my head: "The grass doesn't need to be planted, you cut it and weave it into a mat, it's just an extra job, ten wen is still too much." The vendor gave me a blank look and said, "That's not right, in addition to handiwork, this mat also has to be woven with rope, which is also money." I said, "With the rope, it's not worth ten cents." The peddler snorted and said no more. I pointed to the old one on the bunk under him and asked, "How much is this?" The peddler was stunned for a moment, squinted his eyes and smiled: "This old one has been laid on the ground for a long time, and the kang is no longer good, and it is almost the same as rolling up the dead! Do you want it too?" I nodded. The peddler touched his chin and said, "That...... Just give five cents. ”

"Okay. "After all, saving five is five wen. I gave the money, rolled up the old mat, tied it with a rope and carried it home.

Entering the courtyard, I pushed open the door, and it was quiet, and I felt nervous. I put the straw mat in the corner, shivered and picked up the spoon, filled a bowl of corn soup, listened to Lin'er in the back room without any movement, I took out the paper bag and opened it, poured the arsenic into it, mixed it, stabilized my mind, and walked into the house with both hands.

After my son finished feeding, he lay quietly on the side, his eyes squinted, as if he was sleeping, and my heart couldn't help but hurt: I don't want my child to lose his relatives at such a young age, but now I can't bear it anymore!

The quilt stacked neatly on the kang, Lin'er held the needle and thread in her hand, sat on the side of the kang, sewed a small padded jacket for the child for the winter, and when she saw me coming in again, she glared at me fiercely, turned her back and continued to sew.

I leaned over to her, suddenly made a move, and hit her acupoint, the pin and thread of her cotton clothes fell to the ground, with an angry face: "What are you doing with my acupoint?

"I knew I couldn't beat you, so I had to make this move. I got my hand, breathed a sigh of relief, slowly sat beside her, looked at her deeply, shook the bowl of corn soup in front of her, and said, "Lin'er, do you know? In this bowl, I put arsenic...... tears overflowed in my eyes: "Actually, I don't want to do this either......"

"You ......" Lin'er's eyes widened in horror, and her voice trembled: "What are you going to do?"

I shook my head, smiled bitterly, and said, "It's useless for you to say anything, I can't stand it anymore, you know? I can't bear this torture anymore...... Lin'er, I don't understand, is it so good to be able to call the wind and rain on the rivers and lakes? What happens after becoming a famous sword? I'm too useless to learn kung fu, so I can only rely on farming to support this family, but ...... I've been thinking that although our life is hard, I love you, I love you, and you will definitely be able to understand me and support me, but ...... Why did you do that to me? You make me so sad. I went to the outhouse and brought in the old mat, opened it for her to see, and sighed, saying, "I can't afford to buy a coffin, so I have to buy this mat. ”

Lin'er was terrified, and said in a trembling voice: "I know it's wrong, but I'm also for your good, the eldest husband is a human being, this ...... It should have been across the rivers and lakes and achieved a hegemony...... Since you like to live a plain life, I won't force you in the future, and I won't scold you......"

"No, I know it's not your fault, a woman who wants her husband to get ahead, it's understandable. I reached out, put my arms around the back of her neck, stroked her hair, and looked at her lovingly.

Lin'er's gaze moved in fear over my eyes and the bowl in my hand—the heat in the bowl had long since disappeared, leaving only a piece of cold ice, and the corn soup was thin but still tinged a faint golden yellow. She smiled unnaturally and said in a trembling voice, "You...... Do you remember that when the two of us first met, I, we danced the sword together, and the two were happy......"

"Don't waste your scheming," I understood that my acupoint skills were not deep, and she wanted to delay time by talking to me more, so that she could use her skills to break through the sealed acupoints. I shook my head and said, "I won't give you a chance to break through the acupuncture path, you can't stop me, I'm sorry for you, I just hope you don't blame me, it's all fate." As I spoke, my hand holding the bowl slowly lifted.

"No, no...... Please...... Don't ......" Lin'er's face turned pale, her eyes widened, and her lips closed tightly.

"It's late...... It's useless for you to say anything...... Let's see you in the next life. ”

I sniffed the faint aroma of corn in the bowl, my heart crossed, I raised my head and drank it all, turned around and slowly ...... , calmly lying on the straw mat......